The universally hated art and music of Edgeworth.

Stuckism is Wrong Manifesto


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The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists
The Muswell Hill Geisha Club
Heckels Horse (collaboration paintings with Billy Childish)

the other muswell hill stuckist turner prize demo

Stuckism is Wrong Manifesto
by Edgeworth Johnstone of The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists
Published 6th February 2020.

1. Coherent literature is for people with no imagination.
2. Instant splatter gun publishing curates itself.
3. Bad art is either bad or good. Good art is both bad and good.
4. Video ref VAR officials to call offside without digital rulers within 30 secs, or give it as onside. The digital rulers are the problem. Not where you draw the line.
5. I’ve invented a new literature. Aesphonly. Aesthetic + Phonetic Only. No dictionary or other meanings. Not to be confused with automatic writing, dada, free writing, surrealism or stream of consciousness. Words + sentences formed for their aesthetic + phonetic qualities only. Text as art + music. Aka Tart Sick – see Stag.

Edgeworth outside The Turner Prize. The lady doth protest too much

6. All art books to be paperback, matt finish.
7. Stuckism is freedom from respect, from both the establishment right, and the hipster left. Stuckism is right.
8. Art manifesto writing is the laborious task of playing games of novelty, shock and gimmick. Stuckism is wrong.
9. Galleries homogenise.
10. Art in a gallery isn’t art. Not a logical contradiction / play on words. What was art before it was in a gallery, is art no more, when it is.
11. Backing vocals to be sung by the lead singer.
12. The Other Muswell Hill Stuckist is opposed to the sterility of the contemporary live music system and calls for gigs to be held in homes and musty printmaking studios, with access to sofas, tables, chairs and cups of tea. The surroundings in which live music is experienced (rather than heard) should not be artificial and vacuous. Stuckism is right.

13. Galleries are zoos.
14. “Paradigm”, “ephemeral”, “toxic” and “zeitgeist” to lose their word status, and only be used for their aesphonly value.
15. Galleries hang art.
16. Poets invented artificial intelligence.
18. My band wants more gigs.
19. Edits are desperate face jobs.
20. Contemporary art says everything is art, referencing Duchamp. Any word defined by another is redundant. Everything being art strips art of independent meaning. Stuckism is the open-minded liberator of art, and of conceptual art. Stuckism is the best thing to happen to conceptual art. Contemporary art does conceptual art a disservice by thoughtlessly slinging it in with art, under the deluded impression they’re doing it a favour. Stuckism is right. Conceptual art deserves respect, and recognition for ingeniously breaking away from art and standing alone. Forcing conceptual art back under the wing of failing art institutions looking to misrepresent it, solely for their own benefit is a crime against conceptual art, a crime against real art, and an act of abusive academic corruption. Conceptual artists should be championing Stuckism. Stuckism is the liberator of conceptual art, and the only voice brave enough to declare conceptual art’s true form and value. Duchamp would be a rabid advocate of Stuckism, and a self-declared enemy of contemporary art’s regressive lying fascists dressed up as progressive liberals.
21. The theory of relativity is art theory. Anyone who adopts a fixed position on art finds the truth inconvenient.
22. Painting is better than conceptual art because conceptual art doesn’t have paint, but paintings have concepts.
23. Films are bad dreams.
24. Humiliation is freedom. Reputation is prison. The Stuckist Turner Prize demo preemptively cleanses the dedicated protester of respect and credibility. Stuckism is right.
25. Modern drum machines sound too much like drums.
26. Anything calling itself a creative, or artistic, hub, isn’t.
27. Stuckism is right to say “Artists who don’t paint aren’t artists”. Not as a logical contradiction/ play on words, but as it’s commonly misunderstood: If you don’t paint, you’re not an artist. This needs to be said without Stuckism’s spineless get out clause. Art methods exist at different levels of the human. Shallow ones, like photography and abstract painting, can be taken or left. But figurative painting sits deeper than the others, so if you’re not figurative painting, you’re not an artist.
29. My music isn’t shit. It’s avant-garde.

30. Professionalism, curation and style are just ways of hiding art, for the sake of presenting artists.
31. Kids have better priorities than adults.
32. Bad art looks good from all angles.
33. A bad singer is a good singer, that hasn’t found the right aesphonly for his voice.
34. Someone who hates a song is someone who likes the song, that hasn’t heard it sung with the right aesphonly for his ears.
35. A bad writer is a good writer, that hasn’t found the right aesphonly for his hands.
36. Someone who hates a book is someone who likes the book, that hasn’t seen it written with with the right aesphonly for his eyes.
37. Artists are worse filterers than galleries.
38. Arm bands are useless clothes, and clothes are useless arm bands.
39. Stuckism is wrong to stand against hedonism while advocating uncensored expression.

Edgeworth Sandwich board man – Stuckism is Wrong

40. No-one can help re-writing everything they read and hear, and re-envisioning everything they see. Art is useless communication. Stuckism is wrong. It is the Stuckist’s duty to always be wrong. Stuckism is right.
41. Woke is chickens stuffing other chickens with chicken stuffing.
42. Good art is bad in galleries like ugly people are good in bed.
43. Contemporary art is going nowhere till the government stop funding and teaching it. Stuckism is wrong to call for an open policy of admission to all art schools based on the individual’s work regardless of his/her academic record, or so-called lack of it, and to demand that all college buildings be available for adult education and recreational use of the indigenous population of the respective catchment area. Art schools should be bulldozed and turned into allotments.
44. Art schools to be bulldozed and turned into allotments.
45. If the ball goes out of play after hitting the post or crossbar, the attacking side to be awarded a corner, regardless of which teams player it came off of.
46. Music is a medium of self-discovery. It engages the person fully with a process of action, emotion, thought and vision, revealing all of these with intimate and unforgiving breadth and detail. Stuckism is wrong.
47. Cave paintings propose a model of art which is holistic. It is a meeting of the conscious and unconscious, thought and emotion, spiritual and material, private and public. Stuckism is wrong.
48. A dead sheep is mysterious. It creates worlds within worlds, giving access to the unseen psychological realities that we inhabit. The results are radically different from the materials employed. Stuckism is wrong.
49. Being sponsored by Saachis, main stream conservatism and the Labour government doesn’t mean not being subversive or avant-garde. I’ve seen subversive and avant-garde end up on Top of the Pops. Things aren’t so binary. Stuckism is wrong.
50. Modernism only appears to isolate and exaggerate to detriment of the whole, when you isolate and exaggerate selected Modernist works. Stuckism is wrong.
51. The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists stands for You’ll Believe Anything.
52. Self-expression is for artists with nothing to say.
53. Art behind glass is invisible.
54. Art in a frame is a trophy.
55. Art made with assistants is a Blue Peter project.
56. Art on white walls are sperm dying slow and painful deaths in a cold petri dish. Stuckism is right.
57. Don’t believe the Picasso hate. Ex-girlfriends are bitter liars.
58. Comedy isn’t art because tripping over is funny, and isn’t art.

Edgeworth outside The Turner Prize. The lady doth protest too much

59. Placards to state the obvious, be what people already think, nothing anyone cares about, none of your business, no importance.
60. The Other Muswell Hill Stuckists advocate deckchair socialism, iphone socialism, Amazoner socialism, meat eating vegetarianism and man eating feminism. It’s no one’s fault sausages are so yummy. To expect a first world socialist to exist without an iphone, Amazon and Ebay account is inhumane.
61. Banana and gaffer tape was my idea.
62. The academic is academic.
63. Stuckism is right to call itself an international non-movement. Stuckism wrongly calls itself an “art movement”. It’s just a grouping, like the Royal Academy Summer Show, or The London Group. The term “art movement” to be reserved for when an artistic movement happens in how art is made, that wasn’t already there. Like Surrealism, Impressionism, Pop Art, Dada, Minimalism, Fauvism, Cubism, Abstract Expressionism etc. Stuckist art doesn’t even have an identity from which a movement could happen. It stops at the starting point. Stuckism is wrong.
64. If VAR can intervene when outfield players encroach the area when a penalty’s being taken, why can’t they when the goalie encroaches off his line?
65. Progressive does to politics what it did to rock.
66. Artists with CV’s aren’t artists. Not a logical contradiction / play on words.
67. Daring to transmute ideas through the realms of painting, is the cowardly shunning of true artistic process, for fear of failure. Using the realms of painting to transmute ideas, is like using a Ferrari to deliver a milk round. Art doesn’t need artists chipping in with their own stupid ideas. Stuckism is wrong.
68. Bass guitars to lose their guitar status.
69. Harps to be awarded guitar status.
70. Contemporary art declares all art to be either respectable or irrelevant. There’s never been a better time to be irrelevant, or a worse time to be widely respected.
71. Women go mental in drunken fights because they think they’re protecting their young. Men don’t because they need to live to hunt another day.
72. Pigs are happy in shit because they’re cleverer than galleries.
73. If Stuckism was spiritual, its paintings wouldn’t be worse than Hitlers. Stuckism is wrong.
74. Galleries only want performance artists.
75. Contemporary artists are compromised by the mindfulness galleries demand of them.
76. Comfortable artists have retired.
77. Surrealism’s arbitrary free associations are a boring surrender, a desperate attempt to be interesting by artists with nothing to offer. See Shin Detonator.
78. Art is pointless.
79. Apu’s not racist.
80. Contemporary art is put to shame by Disney cartoons and skateboarders.
81. Curation is genocide.
82. Humans don’t misspell words. Dictionaries are incomplete and always out of date.
83. Artists depicting emotional faces to make their art seem emotional, to be exposed as hacks and convicted of stolen valor.
84. The idea that artists are the worst judges of their own work because their judgement is clouded by personal feelings towards it, is wrong, because the same is true of everyone. There’s no such thing as a neutral observer.
85. Tate was wrong to think Stuckist paintings weren’t bad enough to join their national collection. Stuckism is right.
86. Galleries are finishing schools.
87. Restoration is plastic surgery and instantly turns everything it touches into a worthless fake. Restorers are mindless vandals.
88. Literal and satirical art is shit. See point 67.

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